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Virginia Maarden. Ginny is my closest friend ... after you of course. She is my confidant. Someone I can talk to without fear of it being passed along as gossip. Someone who has been through the wars and can be honest with me. I value her advice. I should have listened to it."She told me I was crazy to even think of having an affair. She told me that you were the perfect husband and I should value that above anything else. She told me that if ... when you found out ... I wouldn't be able to control the consequences. She was right of course."In my own confused mind I thought that if I told you what I wanted to do, you would understand somehow. I didn't want to go behind your back. I didn't want to deceive you. I never for a moment wanted to humiliate or belittle you. It just never entered my mind. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked at Howard carefully. I don't know what kind of reaction I expected, but. I kneel back down not sure what to do. i want to see what he's doing but i dont want to be in trouble for doing it. i'm already in hot water but he is such a hot bear! i try looking again but i did not expect him to turn around! i duck back down quickly hoping he did not see me. damn. what do i do now? i cant spend all day hiding in mens bathroom. maybe its not so bad. i hear no complain. once my heart stop beating so fast, i stood slowly to see what else is going on. i see he's staring right at me! he said nothing. i say nothing. i am frozen. my supervisor took a few steps back to reveal his hands were deep in his pants. i not supposed to look but i could not stop staring. i shouldn't, right? but i couldn't. i can see movement in his pants. this is what i wanted, right? no. this is not what i want. i don't know. my supervisor kept his one hand in his pants gyrating while he reached out with the other to open my bathroom stall door. great. now i make more fool of myself..
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